Truths, and Other Assorted Revelations
by Shelbecat
Summary: Summer forces Ryan to accept why Seth left, and help bring him back.


**Author's Notes**: Characters are Ryan and Summer, topic is Ryan/Seth slash. Fair warning, check. 

**Truths, and Other Assorted Revelations  
for DQMP7 (beingothrwrldly)  
by shelbecat**

**Challenge Sentence:** Summer and Ryan share some little known facts after a Newport social event.****

He tells himself he came for Sandy, because Kirsten asked him to, but in his heart he knows he really came for Seth.

Ryan took a sip of iced tea and watched the sun set over the Pacific.  It was Father's Day, June 20th, exactly 43 days since he had walked out of Seth Cohen's life.

And 43 days since Seth had walked out of everyone else's.

He returned to Newport after a quiet call from Kirsten asking if he would.  He would, of course he would.  Sandy had been more like a father to him than his own had ever been.  Besides, he was to blame for their son leaving, he sure as hell wasn't going to force a childless Father's Day on the man.

And there was always the chance that Seth would know…somehow.  So he came, and he sat through the hours of mindless chatter and forced celebration.  Occasionally he caught a sad glance or quick hand squeeze between Sandy and Kirsten, but mostly he tried to ignore them as much as possible.  It was still too hard to imagine their world without Seth in it.

When Caleb and Julie arrived for an after dinner bottle of wine, he escaped to the patio.  It had taken a long time to get used to familial life with the Cohens, and now, after only a month, it felt strained.  Seth had always been the buffer; he created the safe zone where they could all be themselves without worry of judgment.  Without him, everything just felt raw and hard.  Like starting over.

He sat down at the back edge of the slate-tiled patio.  A patch of sand amongst the weeds reminded him just how close to the beach he was.  He shook his head clear of the reminder and glanced over his shoulder toward the house.  The coast was clear.  No prying eyes coming to check on the kid who 'just needed time'.  Ryan scoffed and pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket.  A month in Chino and he was already up to half a pack a day.  He guessed old habits really did die hard.

He exhaled slowly and framed a far off palm tree with smoke rings.  Sitting here, smoking, reminded him of his first days here.  Those first days when everything was still awkward and new and Seth tried so hard to make him fit in.  Seth wanted him to fit.  Needed him to stay.

The anticipated flood of memories that had kept him away until now, swept over him.  He wanted to run, to get as far away from the house as possible.  He'd told himself that today was just a visit; that he could come here and things would be normal.  But things were not normal, they would never be normal.

He was pushing off the ground with one hand when he heard the soft clomp of platform shoes approaching and sat back down.

She let out a little huff as she fell down beside him.

"Summer."

"Chino."

Ryan smiled.  Back to Chino.  He supposed it was fitting.

"Gimme."  Summer reached over to snag the cigarette from Ryan's hand.  She took a delicate puff, wincing as she did.

"Christ," she mumbled, handing it back to him.  "Unfiltered Camels?  You don't do anything halfway, do you?"

He shrugged and accepted the cigarette again.  "They were on sale."

"Sure.  And these Jimmy Choo's just jumped on my feet.  You needed 'em, admit it."

"Nice to see you again too, Summer."  Ryan took another drag on his cigarette and stared off at the setting sun turning the ocean a shimmering orange.  He felt his new companion lean against him, then smiled as she grabbed his drink and sniffed it.

"Virgin?  Thought you'd be halfway to a hangover by now."

She produced a bottle of Absolut Vodka from her side and dumped a healthy dose in his cup.  Sampling it, she turned up her face and added more vodka.

Ryan ignored her and took another draw.

"You want?"  She held the cup out for him to sample.  When he shook his head, she took another sip.  "Suit yourself.  It's not like I've never drank alone.  I mean, I'm not Coo…"

Ryan closed his eyes and waited.

"Well…"  She sounded frustrated.  "It's not like you didn't know…"

He nodded and looked back out at the water.  Marissa was back on the bottle.  He felt a little sad that he wasn't surprised.

"Besides…"  Summer continued ranting, so like Seth that it caught Ryan's stomach and twisted it tightly.  "She started again because of her mom and Caleb; it had nothing to do with you."

Ryan said nothing.

"So you shouldn't feel, like, guilty or anything.  Coop's a big girl, she knows what she's doing."

"I bet."  Ryan had never driven anyone to drink; he just formed relationships with perfectly sober people and watched them go down in alcohol-fueled flames.  Pure coincidence.

Summer nodded, sipping the iced tea-flavored vodka silently.  Minutes passed in quiet reflection, their individual thoughts headed down the same path, both of them afraid to voice them aloud.

Finally, she broke the silence.  "You know, he left me a note.  I mean, a note for Christ's sake.  Cohen couldn't stop talking long enough to formulate a coherent thought, let alone actually write one down, and he writes me a friggin' note."

"I know, Kirsten told me."  Ryan voice was soft.  He'd heard all about the notes Seth had left behind.  One for Mom and Dad, one for Summer.  Nothing for him.  Fitting.

"You wanna read it?"  She started digging in her purse.

Her offer surprised him and he turned toward her quickly.  "I don't…"

"Here."  She pushed a well-creased note into his hands.  "You should read."

"Summer…"

"Read it."

Ryan sighed and looked down at the paper folded in his hands.  He wanted to read the note about as much as he wanted to read a note from his mother.  He couldn't handle it; reading Seth's words, hearing Seth's voice in his head.

He sighed and dropped his hand between his legs, the note falling out of sight.  "So, how's your vacation?  You seeing anyone?"

"What?  You're going to start initiating conversations all of a sudden?  Shit, you must have loved him more than I thought."

Ryan's heart grew cold at her words.  He stared at the cigarette burning down to his fingers.

"It's okay, I mean, we were never going to work out anyway.  My Dad, and then the whole former-geek thing…and he was a little too interested in guys.  But you two…"  She took a large swallow of her drink.  "You could have made it."

Ryan dropped his cigarette to the sand and ground it with his heel.  Pushing upwards, he dropped the note on the patio beside her and moved away.

"Nice.  Run off into the sunset just like he did.  Real mature Chino.  Gonna solve all your problems that way."

Ryan whirled around, anger rising in his voice.  "What fucking problems?  You suddenly decide we're a couple and that's it?  I'm supposed to just what?  Nod and smile.  Jesus Summer."

"Don't 'Jesus Summer' me Ryan."  Summer stood from the step, gripping the note in one hand, her drink in the other.  "The two of you are more than just brothers and you know it.  I didn't say you had to be a fucking couple, I said you loved him.  And he loves you too.  He certainly didn't leave because of me."

No, Ryan wanted to say.  He left because of me.

He turned and walked a few steps away from the ranting girl.  It was one thing to blame himself for Seth's leaving, but to admit that he loved him?  Admit that he was responsible?

No.

He flinched when he felt her hand fall softly on his back.  He closed his eyes and let the last rays of the sun warm his chilled skin.  Seth loved him.  Seth left because he loved him.

His voice cracked when he finally spoke.  "He's okay you know."

He could hear a smile in her voice.  "Yeah, I think he's okay too."

"No, I mean he _is_ okay.  I know it."

"Yeah.  Sometimes I like to think we have some invisible link to him, like we'd know if something happened."

"Not linked."  Ryan turned around to face the tiny brunette staring up at him.  "He calls me."

Summer blinked; once, twice, again.  Ryan thought she was going to cry.

Then she exploded.

"He calls you!"  She slapped him hard on the arm, still clutching the note tightly.  "He fucking calls you!  He leaves me a god damn note and he calls you!  I am going to wrap my hands so tight around his scrawny little neck…"

She paced a few feet away, tossing her hands about madly so that her drink sloshed all over her arm.  "I swear to God Ryan…"  She turned, fire flashing in her eyes.  "You better tell me where he is right now or I'm gonna kick your ass so hard you'll wish Luke was still a prick beating on you every day."

Ryan had to smirk at her threat.  She sure knew how to do 'pissed'.

"Look…"

"If that sentence doesn't include the phrase 'Summer, Seth's in…' I don't want to hear it."

"Summer, just…"

"Ryan…"

"Stop it!  Okay!  Just stop it!"  Ryan raised his voice suddenly, then halted the outburst when he recognized the shocked look on her face.  "I'm sorry, it's just…"  He shook his head and turned from her again.

She gave him a moment, then picked up the vodka bottle and added a generous helping to her glass.  "Here," she said, pushing the drink into his hands.  She situated herself in front of him and stared expectantly into his eyes.  "Liquid courage, right?  Take a sip, then spill."

He glanced down at the drink in his hand.  He hadn't had a sip since Tijuana.  With a flick of his wrist, he watered the Cohen's shrubs with alcohol.

"Wha…"

"I don't want it, and neither do you."

"I don't?  Funny, I thought I was big enough to make my own decisions."  She planted her hands on her hips and stared at him defiantly.

"You want to know where Seth is, no more liquor.  You're better than that.  You know it."

"I…but I…"  She let out a soft huff.  "Fine…no drink.  But you owe me a Cohen.  Where is he?"

"I don't know."

Summer threw her hands above her head.  "Ryan!"

"I don't know where exactly.  He calls me."  Ryan's words rushed from his mouth, spilling over each other in an attempt to find release.  "It's always on my cell phone, always at night.  The number's blocked."

He stared at her as she processed this information.  Then he added, "He never says anything."

"Oh well then, it _must_ be Cohen, right?  I mean, he's the King of the not saying anything."

"It's him, I know it's him."

"How?  It could just be Eddie or something, trying to freak you out."

"It's not Eddie."

"How'd you know?"

"Because it's not."

"But how do you know?"

"Because when I say I love him he doesn't hang up, okay?"

Ryan held his breath.  It was dark now, the sun finally descending past the horizon.  Shadows hid her face and he didn't have a clue what she was feeling.

"Okay, so say it is Cohen.  All we've gotta do is trace the calls, right?  My Dad totally has someone that can do that; when he thought my step-Mom was cheating on him he had this guy put this thing on the phone…"

"Summer."

"It's cool, it shows where all of the calls are coming from and if it's in the area we can drive there right away.  Oh!  Even while you're talking to him, or listening, or being silent, whatever."

"Summer!"

"What?"

"We're not tracing the calls."

"We're not?  But…"

Ryan shrugged.  "He'll come back when he's ready."

"But that's stupid.  What if he doesn't know he's ready?"

Ryan smiled and turned to stare out at the ocean.  "He'll know when he's ready."

He stared at the moon lighting up the ocean.  The silver highway shimmered against the waves, paving the way to another world.  He thought he understood why Seth wanted to escape so badly.  To Seth, this world was hardship—the aching, hurting, emotional kind.  Out there, across the water, there was a chance at a different world.  One that might just be better.

And all Ryan could hope was that Seth didn't find that better world out there.  That he realized his better world was waiting right here on his patio.

He turned and tossed a smile at Summer.  "He'll come back."

"You can be just as irritating as him sometimes, you know that?"

Ryan smiled.  "Thanks Summer."

She stepped up beside him and pushed the worn note into his hands.  "You sure you don't want to hurry him back a little."

He frowned and stared down at the paper.

"Tell him I said I love him.  And that I'm still gonna kick his ass."  She bent down to pick up her vodka bottle, hesitating with it in her hands before dumping the contents on the now hopelessly drunk shrubbery.  Then she turned and walked back toward the house, leaving him alone.  Again.

Ryan glanced up at the moon.  Another world.  A better world.

He unfolded the letter.

_Dear Summer,_

He tried to control his eyes; force them slowly over the words.  Instead they skipped erratically over the page, picking up snatches of information.

_I know you'll think this is just me being childish because I couldn't get my own way, but it isn't.  It's just something I had to do…_

_Tell Princess Sparkle to be gentle with Captain Oates.  She's one fiery filly…_

He smiled as Seth's thoughts came to life on the page; mismatched phrases tumbling together to form a clear picture of the boy. 

_I promise I'll wear at least 45 SPF…_

_If I'm not back before the new Legion comes out, do you think you could pick it up for me?  I'll pay you…nevermind…_

It was like he was standing there saying the words.

_I never meant to hurt you…_

He hit the bottom of the page and turned the letter over.  The middle section was highlighted in bright pink.  Probably the addition of Summer; although he wouldn't put it past Seth.

_Tell Ryan I said I'm sorry.  I still can't believe he actually left.  He tried to say goodbye and I guess I owed him that much.  Last year everything was different.  Home, school, life…it royally sucked.  I was an outcast Summer, a pariah.  All that changed when Ryan came.  Suddenly I was going to parties, getting noticed, I met you.  Tell me the truth, you never would have looked at me twice if it hadn't been for Ryan._

_I'd have nothing without him._

_And now he's gone, and everything's back to sucking again.___

_I can't just pretend like nothing happened.  Like the whole last year didn't happen and Ryan could just throw that all away for Teresa.  I thought I meant something more to him, he sure as hell meant something more to me.  You know I was going to sell my boat so he could stay.  I never told him that.  I guess it's for the best anyway.  He made up his mind to leave as soon as Teresa said she was going.  At least this way I've still got a boat._

_I'm not coming back Summer.  Not yet anyway.  I don't think I'm ready to live my old life all over again.  Maybe someday I'll forget what it was like to come downstairs every morning and see him sitting there.  Maybe the pool house will go back to being this place where you change out of your swim trunks.  Maybe it'll be like he was never there at all and maybe then I can come back and be happy._

_Until then, I'll keep sailing and you keep practicing the hagadah—you'll make some Jewish kid a nice wife._

_I love you, Summer…and thanks,_

_Seth_

Ryan folded the letter, careful to match each crease perfectly.  Waves tossed and bobbed on the moonlit ocean, bringing the path to Seth alive.

He reached in his pocket for his cell phone.

"Yeah, Summer?  Can you ask your Dad to call that guy?  I think he's ready to come home."

_The End._


End file.
